Okay so this post might be really long and somewhat whiny. Really I’m just looking for some advice because what I’m doing isn’t working for us and I really need some help. So if you have any advice whatsoever please feel free to share it because if I don’t figure this out soon I’m going to go insane. And as a disclaimer I am not saying that I don’t really love being a stay at home mom because I do. I really enjoy it. Seriously. It’s just that I can’t seem to find a way to balance things even just a little bit.
Basically it comes down to this: Even though Casen now has a schedule and has had one for some time, I still haven’t been able to figure out how to get things done and be productive while raising a child. Now before you roll your eyes and think, “Krista, no one gets things done as a mom. You just have to be okay with chaos for the rest of your life because that’s what being a mom is like” I want you to know that I’m not expecting perfection here or even what it used to be like before Casen was born. I’m fully aware that the definition of productivity changes once you become a mom. At least it has for me and realizing this has helped me a ton. However, I do believe that having balance in life is essential and that’s what I’m addressing here. My life is disorganized and chaotic ALL the time. I’m constantly running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to find some type of routine that will work and it’s not working!!! And it’s driving me insane!!! I feel like there is so much to do between laundry, errands, groceries to buy, my job once a week, not to mention the housework. My problemo is that I’m lucky if I can get any 1 or 2 of the above done in a day but I can’t find time to get to anything else. And it seems like even though I clean it one day it’s ready to be cleaned the very next day! We just moved mid-december and there are still a lot of bins that need to be organized and other spots of the apt. that just need a de-junking. I feel that if I ever take time to do these the rest of the house falls apart in the meantime. So my question is…what can I do that I’m not doing? Do you have a routine that works for you? Do you have a day for certain things where you only work on that one thing?
Thanks for letting me get that out. Not that you really had a choice but if you are reading this and/or commenting I appreciate it. I LOVE being a mom and wife but the fact that I’m drowning is not only affecting me it’s affecting my family too. I’m finding that it’s hard to keep the spirit in a place of constant chaos and it’s a million times easier to get stressed out when things are not in order. I want our home to be a place of peace and safety so our family WANTS to be here.
Okay I have a few other things to post about Casen so watch for those to be coming soon. He just turned 8 months old yesterday!!! Crazy to think about and has grown so much in the past few months so I will post an update and hopefully some pics and videos too. Soon.
Hi Krista,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that I feel the EXACT same way from time to time! I thought that I had gotten a pretty good routine down for a good while...and then I went from 2 kids to 3. AND Oh, how chaotic and unsettled life was! Thankfully, I know that from experience with children already, that it MUST be possible to have that calm, accomplished feeling more frequently. Things lately have been going pretty good, although I still have to reevaluate here and there. There are a couple things that you probably already know or do that have been working well for my sanity. For one, I make lists. I got this idea from my hubby who is always constantly busy everyday up until bed. (grad school) He has a ton to remember and to do and is constantly making new lists. It has helped me(and him) to put all our jumbled up ideas and stuff going on in our heads down on paper to see. Then I prioritize. Sometimes I go as far as planning out the whole week on paper. I do the most important or pressing things first-or try to(they are often the most annoying), but when I do, the feeling of peace and accomplishment it gives is wonderful. Just getting the ideas out of my head on paper is a big stress reliever in and of itself. Another thing is that I have to be very expilcit when I need help from my husband. Sometimes I just try and do it all and stew in my head that he doesn't do squat. What I forget is that i am use to doing all this stuff-my eye is well trained. His is not and he does not see or know what I want done. He asked me to just be as forthright as I can when I need help. That has helped. Another thing is I try to make a calm time for scripture reading for myself everyday. Idealy I would like to do this in the morning before the kids wake up, but until my baby sleeps better and I go to bed earlier, I usually don't wake up before my kids. So I do it during my 2 younger kids nap time and my sons quiet time. Last, its taken me a while to be calmer about having everything clean. I have trouble realizing that the counter doesn't HAVE to be wiped clean all the time, or the dishes CAN wait, or the toys CAN be picked up later. It's hard to find the balance, but when I let things go (a little), I am a lot happier. I think as women we put too much on ourselves. It's easy to do. I try to remember that if I have had some quality time with my family that day and maybe even accomplished some work, the day was a success.
Krista, I'm so sorry for rambling! This is so long! I am a little embarresed...:) I definitely took advantage of your question. Thanks-it actually helped me too!
Sorry, it's me again. I just wanted to say that I can tell that you are a super great mom. It's very apparent on your blog and plus I remember from college that you are an awesome person you are. You are a great example to me-seriously.
ReplyDeletePS. Every single day is NOT a success at our house-just so you know.
Hang in there Krista! And if it makes you feel better, my house is still not de-cluttered and we moved in September!! And I don't even have kids to blame it on. We are all a little crazy at times. Just remember that you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteMy mother-in-law told me one time that she thought she would always be the mother to tiny children. Because there were so many and the chaos never seemed to end. Then before she knew it, they were all grown and had left the house and she wished she lived more in the "now" when they were little.
I don't know if that advise helps you, but I think it will help me when I have kids. Enjoy the chaos now while you can!
Megan-let me just say THANKS for rambling! Please don't be embarassed I am so grateful for ANY advice. Truly, I'm not one to put my problems out there for others to read but I was getting so discouraged and I really was hoping ppl would give me their thoughts and advice so I'm so grateful you shared what you did! If I wasn't at work right now I might be crying. :)
ReplyDeleteCourtney- Thanks so much for what you said. It helps so much to have support even from those who don't have kids yet. And it's nice to hear that I should be living in the now because I really try to spend quality time with Casen and then not feel guilty for it when I don't get other things done. It just feels validating, so thanks!
I totally hear ya! Although I don't have it down yet, here are some things I have implemented and they seem to be working well.
ReplyDelete1) I straighten up every night. Just for a few minutes. Matt usually helps. That way I can go to bed knowing that things are neat and I can wake up to things not all jumbled around.
2) I do something fun at least once a week, so I have something to look forward to. Friday nights are date nights, which lately have just been consisting of pizza and a movie, but it's something we can look forward to and not have to worry about anything except relaxing. I also try to do something with a friend at least once a week.
3) I try not to do chores on Saturdays. That way I can have one day that I can just relax and enjoy Matt being home.
4) I try to do everything else in small chunks. So far my schedule is...Monday: vaccuum & mop. Tuesday-Thursday: one load of laundry each day, and either the kitchen or bathroom cleaning. Friday: grocery shop. It helps to do this schedule because then I can look forward to Saturdays.
5) Since I work at home now, I only work when Emily is asleep. Then I try to enjoy the time I have with her while she is awake.
6) I pray every day for help in enjoying the here and now.
It's still a work in progress, but I feel like I have made significant progress. :)
Ok--so I kept feeling like I was not getting anything good done in the day. And one thing I have been doing is to write down five things I am grateful for every day. It helps me see the good I have now and helps me focus less on what I am not doing. This helps me face the next day without dreading what needs to be done.
ReplyDeleteAlso, it gets easier as your child gets older and he can help pick up toys or throw things away or sweep. Ok, Gavin can't sweep, but he likes to play with the broom.
I like to make a list of important things that need to be done. I try to have a schedule to clean a room each day. Maybe not deep clean, but at least straightened. I do my grocery shopping the same day each week and I don't do much else that day. I also ask Ben for help when needed and he is willing to help.
If you want to chat on the phone sometime, I would love to talk to you! I miss you and wish that I could come over right now, give you a hug and help in any way I could. I love you! Hang in there! Oh and this video really helped me recently! http://lds.org/pages/motherhood?lang=eng
Krista - Believe we've all been there (and some of still live there!). A few things that I've found are:
ReplyDelete1. Decide which things are most important to you. Maybe it's way more important to you to have the dishes done every day, but you don't care so much about the laundry. Whatever it is - prioritize, and then don't be afraid to let certain things fall by the wayside.
2. Take time to read your scriptures every day. I have a rough time staying awake while reading scriptures right now (can't even imagine why?!!?), so I actually listen to General Conference talks online while playing Free Cell. Maybe that's not quite what they had in mind when they said scripture study, but that is what works for me in my present situation. What works for you? Just make sure you allow a little bit of detox time with the Lord each day.
3. Have a calendar that you keep up where you and Aaron can see it. Make sure you discuss it together at least once a week so you're on the same page. Set goals together about what you'd like done in the home that day.
4. Don't be afraid to let Aaron take a greater share than he did before in household chores. Raising a family is a two person job, and I truly believe that means that sometimes we have to be willing to relinquish control of certain things. I'll admit, Shawn doesn't always clean the toilets as well as I would, or unload the dishes without constantly asking me where things go, but at least he's trying to help, and that makes my day just a little easier!
Anyway, I'm just rambling. I know you know that this too shall pass, so I'm not going to go very much into it other than to say that I think all moms should have a sign printed out and somewhere they can see it each day that says, "I Can Do Hard Things."
Hang in there!
Wow, thanks so much for posting your ideas! Really, it's so helpful to hear what works for you and to get ideas about what more I can do. I don't know what it is about girls and talking (or writing)but even though I haven't even tried some of these things just being able to write about it, have someone else read it and then give their input already relieves some stress. I guess that's why we have relief society, eh? okay, kind of not the same as blogging but there's something to girls talking = relieving stress. So thanks! I'm already feeling much better. I can't wait to go home and try these things out. Thank you all for your encouragement and support. and p.s. to anyone else who wants to comment please feel free. this isn't a closing speech or anything. I'd still love any ideas you want to share!
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